January 2010
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49.5kg//109lb.
Slowly getting there.
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These days I’m living because I don’t want to hurt my loved ones.
But that’s starting to become not enough.
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.
It’s exhausting living for everyone but myself.
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It seems to be the rage →
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xanga
For those of you I didn’t already know from xanga:
http://hidingbysmiling.xanga.com
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Dear Valium,
I fucking hate you.
You’re destroying my life.
But I can’t sleep without you.
Love, me.
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50kg//110lb.
I’ll be under by the end of the week.
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Purge purge purge
I just threw up.
And there was blood…so much blood.
At first I noticed a few specks, but nothing to worry about right? Maybe I’d just scratched my throat…
But then I did some more, and it came gushing out.
I don’t know why or where it was from.
If it was my stomach I’d have felt it, right?
But I’ve been taking painkillers all day for the cramps…
So...
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Intake so far...
2 x coffee
2 x protein shake
1 x muffin
1 x sushi roll
and my day’s almost done :)
Outtake:
5km run
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I’m feeling horribly bloated - it’s disgusting.
If it wasn’t for the fact that I have to go to work today, I wouldn’t - I don’t want the world seeing me like this.
I know it’s normal and it’ll pass, I know it’s just because it’s that time of the month - but that doesn’t make me feel any less hideous.
Sigh.
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I would like to be able to sleep through the night.
I’m tired of waking up and not being able to get back to sleep.
So, so tired.
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