smile, it hides everything. if you know me in person and have stumbled across my blog, i’m sorry. but it’s not like any of this is a surprise.Tumblr (3.0; @justgettingby)http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/<p>So I failed at being around here as much as I had intended.</p> <p>Life&#8217;s been busy&#8230;so much training, my big international long distance race is next month&#8230;I&#8217;m getting nervous&#8230;I don&#8217;t like flying, and I don&#8217;t feel ready to race.</p> <p>I don&#8217;t feel ready to do much right now.</p> <p>My life&#8217;s been a bit disordered the past few weeks - my routine has been completely thrown out by work, family, and other incidental commitments - I&#8217;m not very good at handling change. I need at least a loose routine, otherwise I feel like I have no control and don&#8217;t know what to do next.</p> <p>And then the nightmares start&#8230;the ones where everyone leaves me and I can&#8217;t stop them&#8230;like I can&#8217;t even speak to them, I&#8217;m stuck in these situations where I have no control and everyone turns on me and leaves. And no matter how many times I wake up at night, I go back to sleep and they start all over again.</p> <p>Sigh&#8230;but things will get back on track. I know they will - they have before, I will feel better.</p> <p>x</p>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/21770949345http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/21770949345Wed, 25 Apr 2012 16:01:13 +1000<p>I feel so hideous.</p>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/20024039052http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/20024039052Wed, 28 Mar 2012 08:08:55 +1100<p>I really want it to stop.<br/> The strict rules I make, the restricting, the binging, the self destruction, the emotional rollercoaster.<br/> I think I&#8217;m ready to really accept help, not just fake it.</p> <p>I want to recover, for real, please.</p>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16740364357http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16740364357Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:09:39 +1100edMIAbulimiahelprecovery<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxtzagYES01qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16134612849http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16134612849Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:14:05 +1100cutecats<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxtz3paQGK1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16121399934http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16121399934Fri, 20 Jan 2012 04:36:06 +1100<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxtz32BZK61qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16107516599http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16107516599Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:25:05 +1100<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxtz2gQ5xq1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16096395112http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16096395112Thu, 19 Jan 2012 13:57:05 +1100<p>But I&#8217;m not putting a jacket on, because this is burning calories.</p> <p>Which is messed up - I&#8217;m so cold my lips are purple</p>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16092836482http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16092836482Thu, 19 Jan 2012 13:00:40 +1100<p>But I&#8217;m not putting a jacket on, because this is burning calories.</p> <p>Which is messed up - I&#8217;m so cold my lips are purple</p>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16092831997http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16092831997Thu, 19 Jan 2012 13:00:36 +1100<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxtz1phaJE1qalvhho1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16079701507http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16079701507Thu, 19 Jan 2012 09:14:05 +1100<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxty69rUje1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16067304029http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16067304029Thu, 19 Jan 2012 04:36:06 +1100tattoo<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxty5eojhP1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16054157976http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16054157976Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:25:06 +1100ribs<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxty43hYMA1qalvhho1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16042253387http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16042253387Wed, 18 Jan 2012 13:49:05 +1100ribsthinthinsposkinny<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxty2pRVk71qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16027554885http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16027554885Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:55:05 +1100ribs<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxkqs0Hl5f1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16014668746http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/16014668746Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:30:06 +1100truthslut walkrape<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxkqq6Hog91qalvhho1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15999259743http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15999259743Tue, 17 Jan 2012 18:25:06 +1100nikerunning<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxkqp6HIuq1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15987198719http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15987198719Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:49:06 +1100lovely<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxkqojcoCr1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>breathe.</p>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15970546926http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15970546926Tue, 17 Jan 2012 09:15:05 +1100<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxkqnpd2dM1qalvhho1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15954198688http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15954198688Tue, 17 Jan 2012 04:40:06 +1100<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxkpikx2YM1qalvhho1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15937489341http://justgettingby.tumblr.com/post/15937489341Mon, 16 Jan 2012 18:25:05 +1100thinthinsposkinnyarms